Guilt

My mother died on January 7th, 1996, just days after her 72nd birthday (12/30/95).  It seemed too soon for me, then 47, and even more so now as I approach 72.

Saturday January 6th, 1996 my mother was again back in the hospital, 18 miles away, with pneumonia. I had planned on visiting her but I was fighting a bad cold and the SF 49ers was playing Green Bay in a NFL divisional playoff game.  SF lost 17-27.  I was going to visit my mother the next day, Sunday January 7th, if I felt better or on Monday. My mother died before I could visit her again.  I have felt guilty ever since even as I know my visit would not have stopped her dying.

Dad died May 1st, 1998 of a heart attack while mowing the lawn with a push mower.  I curse him for not paying someone to mow, ask me (I would have hired) or at least buy a gas lawn mower.  I was out of town when he died.  I have felt guilty for not advocating better ways for mowing while he lived.  I knew, short of my buying the lawn mower and perhaps not even then; my dad was going to be cheap (scotch thrifty) and stubborn.

Guilt is something many of us have for different reasons.  Not all guilt is justified or warranted.  I will pass on any judgement of the above, and guilt still exists.

May you have resolution for any guilt that bothers you.  Past events cannot be undone.

2 thoughts on “Guilt

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