- Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
- What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again.
- It’s accrual world.
- It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
- Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
- What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
- An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
- Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.
- How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
- Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
- Be audit you can be.
- What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days’ holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
- What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A late night.
- An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
- Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.
- What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
- What do you call a group financial controller who’s lost his job? Bob.
- How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
- There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted].
- What’s an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humor.
- What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
- Four Laws of Accounting:
- Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
- Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? (No.) Me neither.